


Remember

by Kristal



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 03:43:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21501325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kristal/pseuds/Kristal
Summary: She wasmadefor him, to destroy him. Yet, somehow, she was the one who brought him back to life. One kiss to kill, one kiss to give life.‘Hard work, he is,’she kept thinking. And somewhere in the back of her mind she could hear his voice answer‘but totally worth it.’
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/River Song, The Doctor/River Song
Kudos: 13





	Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on tumblr in 2012. Canon-divergent for this reason.

_‘The memories are fading. Why are they fading?’_

***

He only said ‘Hello’ for seven long years. She never knew why.

She was a student of Archaeology at the time. She remembered every hour spent studying, just so that she could meet him again, to run with him, just to see the stars together, or the whole of time and space.

His nemesis. His love.

He loved to run. She loved a chase.

She was _made_ for him, to destroy him. Yet, somehow, she was the one who brought him back to life. One kiss to kill, one kiss to give life.

_‘Hard work, he is,’_ she kept thinking. And somewhere in the back of her mind she could hear his voice answer _‘but totally worth it.’_

That man - a man who’s not a man, and yet he is; that man kept popping here and there during those seven years after they met. Just to say ‘Hello.’ And then, back in that blue box of his, off to see the universe. Without her. And she didn’t know why.

***

She met him again pretty soon.

Not the way she wanted to, though.

She was not herself. She was in a suit. And it was going to take her body to kill him. And his blood would be on her hands. Again. And she knew, she knew she had to. “A fixed point in time can’t be rewritten,” he had said, “Don’t you _dare_ ,” he had yelled.

But, then again, she was never there, and then she was. She was at the beach, but she was on the Pyramid. She was his murderer; she was his wife.

And then, he was there, like an angel. An angel with broken wings. Hurt and powerless. And she was his saviour. One shot, and he would have died. He would have wings again. But this time, no body. And no life. Just an immortal, undying death. _‘It all turned out, you see? To you, I was a broken angel, a fallen Time Lady. You saved me, my love. Now it’s my turn, to save you,’_ she thought while she pressed the trigger, and a blast of light hit him.

And now all she had to do was to wait for him again.

…

He came to her that same night. First night at Stormcage. The first night of the rest of her nights. _‘All for you, my love.’_

He took her to see the stars on Calderon Bicta. And, on the top of that tree growing out of the tip top on the north side of the mountain in the middle of the sea, they looked up at exactly twelve minutes past midnight on the 21st of September 2053 to see more stars in one sky than in any other moment in history of the universe.

“It’s like daylight. Only magic. You could read a book by it,” he had stated.

“Is it okay if I don’t?”

So, he took her to see the stars. And he was right: it was magic.

The sky was pure light, the wind was gently whispering between the leaves all around them, and they were so close she could feel his hearts beat and the warmth of his body surround her.

“I owe you an apology,” he murmured.

“Uh-uh, careful, Doctor. Spoilers.”

“But I really do. I’ve said things… to you, I _will_ say things… I regret.”

“It’s okay, sweetie. I forgive you. As long as you forgive me.”

“Always.”

And, as she turned her head to see him, she noticed how much older he was now than he was earlier that night, before she saw the other version of him going away.

Their first night.

She wished it would never end.

***

She had been in that house for an hour, now, and no one knew she lived there, so she just saw it coming, when the Doctor showed up at her door with a new haircut and a tuxedo on.

She had finished her sentence at Stormcage. She was free. She couldn’t believe it. _‘Maybe now I could travel with the Doctor more often.’_

Not that she didn’t already. Quite the contrary.

She could remember more nights spent outside of Stormcage, than days spent in her cell; but she wanted more and more and more. Adventures, and dragons, and guns, and danger. And an awful lot of runs.

And the Doctor was here, now, all dressed up and ready to go.

“Missed me, honey?” 

“Not for one minute, sweetie,” she answered with a smile. “You know, a heads up would’ve been nice. Why are you here, anyway?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just thought to come and take you somewhere.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s the truth.”

She squeezed her eyes. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Don’t push your luck, now,” he said nonchalantly.

“You’re such a tease, sweetie.”

“I just thought we could celebrate your freedom, Doctor Song. No big deal. Here, I have a dress for you,” he said, producing a green dress from behind his back.

She laughed. “My idea of celebrating involves a lot less dressing up and more undressing, Doctor.” She took the dress and looked at it. “Oh! This dress is a little daring. Just the way I like it.” She winked.

The Doctor smiled involuntarily. He had thought about that first night with River, when he proposed that very same dress and she refused to wear it. And then he remembered his other self and _her_ other self popping out from the future. She looked amazing in that dress. And he had the same outfit his then-older self had. Because tonight was the night. That last night. Before the Library.

“There, it’s on. You have little time left to convince me to take it off.”

“You look beautiful,” he said, and he truly meant it.

“Thank you. Tonight you’re so serious, sweetie, aren’t you?”

“It’s time to be serious. And to keep our outfits on. There’ll be always enough time to take them off later.”

“My, my! Look at you, Doctor! So… bold. You’re _so_ turning me on right now.”

He offered her his arm with a smug smile.

“Where to?”

“My TARDIS.”

“And then?”

“Darilium.”

“The Singing Towers!” Her eyes widened with surprise and excitement. “Oh, sweetie! I thought you’d never take me!”

_‘I left it for a special occasion,’_ he thought. _‘Save the best for last.’_

…

“Have you ever…” River started to ask.

“Spoilers.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!”

“Maybe I do.”

“That’s not possible! How could you?”

“Spoilers. Anyway, no. Never.”

“You don’t know what the question is.”

“I’ve never brought anyone else here.”

She looked surprised. That impossible man! “Every time I feel like I know you, you go and surprise me again.”

“I’m glad I still can.” He stood up. “This music is too good to let it go to waste. Let’s dance.”

She rolled her eyes and said, jokingly: “You are terrible at dancing!”

“No, I’m not!” he sounded offended. “I’m the king of dancing!”

“You may claim that title for a lot of things, my love, but certainly not for the dances.”

“I love dancing!”

“Yes. I know,” she said in a sensible tone, as if she was talking to a particularly capricious child.

“Well, then. You think you’re better than me?”

“Oh, no, sweetie, I don’t think. I am,” she said with a grin.

The Doctor looked at her with a scandalised expression on his face. “Show me moves, then, Doctor Song.”

“You want moves? I’ll give you moves, Doctor.”

He helped her up and she took her position.

“I’ll lead.”

“Yeah, sure,” was her sarcastic response.

They danced for about five minutes. And then they had to stop.

The Doctor rested his head on her shoulder, hugged her tight, and started crying.

***

She should have known. That’s what she kept telling herself.

She’d seen the Doctor cry before, but it was not the same, that time.

And now, there he was, younger than she’d ever seen him before. He didn’t know her. And she was about to die.

“Funny thing is: this means you’ve always known how I was going to die. All the time we’ve been together, you knew I was coming here. The last time I say you – the real you, the _future_ you, I mean – you turned up on my doorstep with a new haircut and a suit. You took me to Darilium to see the Singing Towers. What a night that was: the Towers sang; and you cried. You wouldn’t tell me why, but I suppose you knew it was time. _My_ time. Time to come to the Library. You even gave me your screwdriver. That should have been a clue. There’s nothing you can do.”

“You can let _me_ do this!” His voice… only now she could hear how different it was.

She shook her head. “If you die here, it’ll mean I’ve never met you!” _‘I would be a normal child, raised by my parents, maybe even have a few siblings. But I wouldn’t meet_ you _.’_

“Time can be rewritten,” he pushed himself forward, struggling against the handcuffs that were keeping him in place.

“Not those times. Not one line. Don’t you _dare_!” He was so silly, trying to free himself, looking at her with those puppy eyes. So different. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s not over for you. You’ll see me again. You’ve got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run.” It was over. All she had to do, now, was link the two cables together, and all would end.

“River, you know my name.” What was that in his voice, in his eyes? Despair? Terror? “You whispered my name in my ear. There’s only one reason I would ever tell anyone my name. There’s only one time I could…”

“Hush, now! Spoilers.” She closed her eyes. She wanted him to be her last memory. Even like that. Even if it wasn’t _her_ Doctor. Still, what mattered was, he was all she could see, now.

And then, the void.

***

That amazing man! He had saved her once again.

Inside of CAL, she would never die. She would get a life again.

CAL was her kid, now. She took great care of her. And time would pass by so slowly, and yet so fast, and she would never age.

How long was it, now? ‘Lots. And I still miss him.’

He saved her, yes. But he made her miserable.

Her half-life was less than a quarter, without him in it.

…

She thought she was hallucinating.

‘It can’t be.’ Those words were echoing in her head while she was running outside. ‘It can’t be. It’ can’t be.’

His shoulders.

“Hello, sweetie,” she said, with a tremble in her voice.

He chuckled. “Missed me, honey?”

“Sweetie? It’s that you, Doctor?” She walked toward him.

“I just thought to come and take you somewhere.” _Her_ Doctor. Her husband.

She just couldn’t take the distance any more. And his arms were already open for her.

There was a lot of crying and kissing and lovemaking. Then, crying and kissing again.

They stayed there, on the grass, looking up at the sky. So many lights surrounded the moon.

“Our first night, you took me to see the stars.”

“I remember it. It was our last night.”

“No, sweetie. No more last nights, now.” She cuddled next to him. “I’m never letting you go away. Ever again.”

“I’m sorry, River.”

“What are you saying?”

“If I get you out of here, you will forget everything. Your memory will be damaged. You won’t know who you were before. You won’t remember our times. You won’t remember me.”

“That’s impossible! I’m part Time Lord, remember?”

“Maybe someday something will happen that will trigger your memory. But I can assure you that you _will_ forget.” He produced a brooch from his pockets. It was from the TARDIS’ wardrobe. She had worn that at her parents’ wedding, that night the Doctor was never born, that night he came back and he asked her if she was married.

“I really am sorry, honey,” he kissed her forehead. “But time can’t be rewritten.”

“What do you mean?” She realized it all too late. _‘The memories are fading. Why are they fading?’_ The Doctor had already secured her memory in the sparkling brooch. She didn’t even know who she was.

***

He was outside, looking at the stars above.

Not Amy’s Raggedy Doctor. _Her_ Doctor. No, not even her Doctor. Maybe he was someone else’s Doctor now.

“You changed,” she said. Even in the dark, she could see him so clearly. He was exactly like she imagined he would be one day. “Still no luck with the ginger thing, uh?”

He turned around. His face was the face of a stranger. Yet, he was the same man she once, and still, loved.

“Hello, sweetie,” he murmured.

“Sweetie! Yes, I remember! I used to say that.” She touched her brooch, pinned on her blue dress. “It’s all coming back to me, now. Slowly.”

“You will forget again.”

“Don’t you dare.”

He sighed. “I did it for you. So you could forget _me_. Move on,” he stared into her eyes. “And you did. Quite a good fella, that grandson of yours.”

“He’s a hero, today, because of you.”

They remained in silence for a while.

She wanted to tell him her big secret. ‘You know Jeff? Well, he’s _your_ grandson too. Surprise!’ But she couldn’t. And so she just said: “Do you remember when you took me to see the stars on Calderon Bicta?”

He lightened up with a smile. “Yeah! Like daylight…”

“Only magic,” she ended the sentence for him.

“River?”

“Yes, my love?”

“Remind Jeff to delete his internet chronology for me, aye?”

“Are you asking me to remember it?”

“Yeah. And this.” He stepped forward to kiss her gently.

She didn’t open her eyes. Not even when the Doctor pulled away and she could hear his footsteps walking toward the TARDIS.

“Goodbye, sweetie,” she whispered to the night, while the TARDIS noise echoed all around her.

She stayed with her eyes closed. She was glad she did. The Doctor was all she could see. And she didn’t open her eyes. Not ever again.


End file.
